” I’m doing ok. My life was finally back to normal”- I thought to myself on that morning while driving back from my training session.
It was a tough year, 2020, but I think everyone agrees to that. The surge of the pandemic put all our lives at a standstill. We had no idea what we were up against. One day we were hugging and having coffee in street cafes and suddenly we were no longer allowed to shake hands with one another.
The loss of interaction and human connection was not crucial to me, a loner by nature. I was actually thrilled to spend time at home, working from the comfort of my couch, training on the roof of the building, walking laps around the building with my younger sister, cooking healthy meals, talking to my plants. I had a good thing happening for a while.
Ok so perhaps I forgot to mention I lost few jobs during that time too, but I was hopeful. I was freelancing and had more space to accept more opportunities. I got lucky with beautiful accounts for NGOs I highly respect. I helped with food boxes and met some awesome samaritans along the way. They later on became really good friends. The upside of the pandemic I guess.
This lifestyle lasted till June, when we started experiencing major electricity cuts, which in turn affected my freelance work. The price of the generators were insane and honestly, I preferred to put that money to better use.
That’s when a new adventure started. A very good friend of mine welcomed me into her home. She had a generator in the building and I was happy to be in an air conditioned appartment. We had the most amazing time. She is by far one of the sweetest human beings you can ever meet. She would wake up with me early morning and make me coffee before I leave to work from coffee shops. We would shop together and prepare heart-full meals. We even discovered lame lebanese series and got hooked on watching them in the evening.
We walked 10,000 steps a day, were super productive at work. We even helped each other with our copywriting gigs. And here’s one more thing, she helped me recover my period after losing it for 4 months due to restrictive eating habits.
Life was good, until it was over.
August 4, 2020
That morning I went to train, then ran some errands as it was the last day before we had to go back into lockdown mode. I went home to check on few things and I get a call from Caro ( The awesome friend who welcomed me at her home) telling me she ordered lunch from our favorite place, Jai.
I told her I’d eat them in the evening. I would always show up at her place at 8ish or so. She said : “No Come now they’re yummy and hot. Pass by the gym next to the house, I have a training session at 5:00 PM”
I got dressed, prepared my bag and hopped in the car. I was in a very jolly mood. I looked good, I felt good. I turned on the music, and I got an Ed Sheeran song on the radio. I smiled. I like it when radio songs match my mood. I turned the music louder and sang the lyrics- all wrong of course-
I call Caro to meet me at 5:30 PM. I take the house Keys, find a parking spot, grab my bags and go up the elevator. I change into a pink PJ dress that had a print of the little mermaid. Did I mention how hot it was that day? Super HOT.
I eat and open the laptop. I chat with Maya, my friend who lives in Egypt. We end the call at 6:03 PM. I know because I looked at my laptop. I text Caro to tell her thanks for the most awesome meal. I take the plate to the kitchenette and get water.
I hear the sound of an airplane roaming closely. I know that sound all too well. It was similar to the planes in the 2006 war. Common sense states to move away from balconies and windows.
Lebanese Common sense states to move closely to the big balcony window. I saw others in parallel buildings doing the same. I also saw an old guy being pushed from his balcony on the 4th floor exactly at the same time as I was being pushed to the ground under a thousand chattered pieces of glasses.
I died.
For some reason, my head had just one thing on replay. A scene from “The end of the affair” Where Juliane Moore is seen praying while Ralph Fiennes shows up alive after she thought she lost him.
Alive- but I am dead, is this scene trying to tell me something?
Wake up, Open your eyes.
I tried, I couldn’t. They were covered in blood. I tried again, they opened. I moved my fingers, my legs, tried to get up . It worked the 7th time.
I roamed around the house. I saw myself in the mirror.
I died.
I thought of that old guy who was pushed from his balcony. He died too.
The door of the house was broken, I walked on glass. Couldn’t feel the blood flowing my feet. I saw someone in the apartment across. She looked normal, clean from any blood. I looked at her and said “help”
She looked at me, she actually looked right through me. It’s like I wasn’t even there.
It’s confirmed- I’m dead.
I thought of the life I had, the people I loved.
Oh God, The people I loved, did it happen to them too? Are they ok?
Where’s my phone.
I thought of one person. a Person I loved. A person I left long time ago.
I find my phone, I call him first. I had his number blocked. I call him.
He answers.
He’s ok- I thought
and I’m dead.
But dead people don’t make phone calls! He hears my voice. He asks me where I am, he tells me he’s on his way.
I find a bag, i carry it like the refined dead lady I am. Little did I know that this bag was the most useless thing to take. It didn’t have my wallet or any of my belongings. It had a toothbrush and shorts.
I walk down the stairs. I hear someone tells me he’s a doctor. He sees a big cut in my jaw so he tells me to hold it with my hand. Then he saw my hand was cut open so he asks me if I can wrap it with anything. What do you know? The shorts served a purpose.
I hear a familiar voice. Caro going up the stair in a frenzy screaming my name. “I’m here” I said, praying she can hear me so that I can make sure I’m not dead.
She held my hand filled with glass cuts and told me to go up with her so she can grab few things from her apartment.
Her home was no more.
She didn’t allow her emotions to sink in. She needed to get me to a hospital, but I had already decided to follow the jolly mode of that day, right before I died.
I went down and saw a girl looking for her dog, I started looking with her for Lucy. Then Caro held my hand to take me to the pharmacy nearby. But there was a pharmacy no more.
We stood on the streets, not knowing what to do.
I died on that day- August 4th, 2020
Life, as I knew it, was forever gone.
No peace to my restless soul.
