It’s much more than gaining kilos by merely breathing

There’s something no one tells you about turning forty: it’s not just a milestone, it’s a mood. A cellular shift. A deeply hormonal plot twist. You wake up one day and your metabolism has packed its bags, your dating app feels like a museum, and your thighs now have opinions.

You’re still you, that’s a given, but you’ve been upgraded to the version that glitches when she drinks wine and gains three kilos from a raisin.

This is not a guide. I have zero advice. It’s just a small collection of truths that slapped me gently, then repeatedly, in the first year of my forties.

1. I might not find a partner soon, and that’s not a tragedy ( except to my mom)

I used to think being single at 40 would feel like losing a game.

It doesn’t.

It feels like taking off a really tight bra.

Sure, there are moments of longing, but there’s also this wild freedom in not being anyone’s emotional support human.
I get to eat what I want. I get to sleep in the middle of the bed. I don’t have to explain why I’m crying or why I need to keep “friends” playing in the background while I am preparing food.
Love might still come. Not might, it will come! But I’ve stopped treating it like a deadline.

2. My hormones now control the playlist

Perimenopause entered my life like an uninvited DJ, changing the vibe without warning. One day I’m chill and focused, the next I’m sweating, bloated, crying, and yelling at the Frida Kahlo painting in the living room.

My skin, my sleep, my mood , everything fluctuates. Some days I’m light and grounded. Other days, I feel like I’ve been inflated with salty air and existential dread. Heck, Sometimes everything happens from one hour to the next.
I’ve started tracking my cycle like a detective. Not to “solve” anything , just so I can make space for it. Because if I don’t make space, I explode.

3. Saying no is not just powerful , it’s therapeutical

I used to say yes to everything . Dinners I didn’t want to attend, people I didn’t like, projects I didn’t believe in. Now? It’s almost always a no.
There’s a new kind of clarity that comes with being 40. My boundaries now come with built-in security systems. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting my energy. And no, I don’t feel guilty anymore ,I feel free.

In any case. I had a conversation with someone recently and she said something that just sat there: Guilt is such a useless emotion

4. Rest is productive. Joy is productive.

In my twenties, I ran on ambition. In my thirties, I ran on caffeine. In my forties, I just want to walk and no longer run. I want joy that isn’t curated. Rest that isn’t rewarded with hustle.
More importantly, healing isn’t a linear journey, but rather a clumsy dance between breakdowns and breakthroughs. And we might be dancing for a long, long time.

5. My Joints now hurt for no reason, and somehow, it means a lot.

This year, my hands started acting like they’ve been through three wars and a full-time knitting job. Random stiffness. Shooting pain. Numb fingers in the middle of the night. I’d wake up convinced I was slowly turning into a statue.
I Googled everything. I saw rheumatologists and neurologists. Carpal tunnel? Arthritis? Early nerve damage? (All results turned out negative) I took supplements, I stretched, I panicked. But more than the physical pain, it was the emotional spiral that got me,

The realization that my body now keeps secrets I don’t understand yet.
In one of the discourses by Goenka, he tells a story of a man in his forties who start seeing grey hairs. This man goes and dyes his hair. “ Now I feel better” the man says. Goenka says, hiding gray hairs does not hide the fact that we are all aging and decaying, decaying and aging. It’s ok to get old. It’s the law of nature.

And still, I love this decade

There’s something oddly beautiful about this season of life. It’s not glamorous. It’s not always graceful. But it’s real.

I’ve stopped chasing timelines that don’t fit me,

And I’ve started trusting the quiet, slow, often strange wisdom that shows up in the pauses.

And I am totally here for it