I am not the coolest person you can meet (though you might think I am, and if that’s what you think, I won’t stop you:D). I have my bad days and my super bad days, and 2015 was filled with super duper bad days, so lets just agree that all in all, 2015 was not good to me ( YET)

Despite my anxiety attacks, clinical depression and continuous self destructive pattern, I found a minute to sign up for what looks to be my very first ( and mostly only) marathon. The distance is, of course, 42.195KM and I, of course, haven’t ran one single KM this year.

See what I am now realizing is that what I really wanted was never the distance, but the commitment. Last year, at 30 years of age, I lost purpose and became a victim to self doubt and dark thoughts. Those things are very serious and cannot be taken for granted. If one is not strong enough, he/she is bound to collapse and fall, or worse, let go…

Few things I noticed while training these past weeks on the streets of a congested city in the least congested time of the day..

1. The not-so-friendly streets

There are no roads for runners in Beirut, the arguileh, cars and motorbikes belong to the corniche more than runners do. Despite the increase in the culture of running, it is still not recognized outdoor. Running belongs to the pavements, to the streets but nobody seems to care. That’s why “mnet7ash”, we push ourselves on the roads that are eager to have us, we frown at the arguileh pausing in the middle and we create our own lanes when it get too crowded with walkers and selfie takers

2. The Disciplined version of me

You’d think you’ve got it all figured our after 31 years of living. I know that I am an introvert with an extrovert style. I know that I am upfront, I listen actively or passively, I don’t see people as threat or scared shitless by them. I like people or nobody at all, I love to laugh or drown in tears. Ok, so I didn’t figure out much after 31 years of living, in fact, I haven’t got anything figured out, but I know this. Training needs discipline. My chaotic mind and soul need as much discipline as my body and for this I am grateful to have a serious coach. Out of all the coaches of the Beirut542 program ( and I am literally in adoration mode to all of them) I signed up with the one I know least ( and whom, in turn, barely knows me). I didn’t know then why I did what I did, but it’s all becoming very clear to me. See I’ve been a rebel for too long and it’s about time to pause for a second, listen to the road, follow the advice and think, think deeply before I talk because the road can hear my chaotic thoughts ( which will work against you when running). The miracle is not having a disciplined body but rather a disciplined mind and soul (currently in the works)

3. The system

“Sorry guys, won’t be able to join at Mar Mkhayel, early run tomorrow..Enjoy”

” Would it be bad if I show up for 30 mn only? Got training tomorrow”

” I can’t seem to find something on the menu that is 60% protein and 40% carbs, but good carbs and not junk protein..”

” Rain check? it’s already 9:00pm and need to be asleep by 10:30 max”

The run, shower, eat, work, sleep, repeat system is no stranger to runners, but it was to me! I have always been fascinated by those who manage to run everyday before work, and now that I know what it feels like, I am even more fascinated.. and trust me, little things in life fascinate me.

By adding running to my once chaotic, all over the place, system, I lost the chaos. Not too sure if its a good or a bad thing to have things organized for a change, but for now, it works. I love the fact that I now have an excuse to eat carbs, to sleep early, to ice my knees ( always loved to do that but I needed a valid reason), to have a pedicure without nail polish ( will make it easier to embrace loosing my toenails if it happens), to wear flats to work ( Training mode, I might fall off my heels and injure myself, can’t take any risks).

For a person who lost purpose ( yes, that would be me), a system is a great thing to restart the engine and search for that long lost purpose ( about time I find it again)

Alot of lessons were learnt…but thinking to share the rest in another post, after few more runs on the streets of a congested city, with a less congested heart..